


Safe Haven

by doujinhime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angsty definitely angsty, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I probably should use more warnings, In which Hinata shows Kageyama the true beauty in a relatively ugly world, KageHina and their own private forest, M/M, Soft Boys, Some Fluff, Stargazing, Sweet Bedroom Scenes, Then aged up KageHina (Like early 20s), Young KageHina, emotional boys, mentions of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinhime/pseuds/doujinhime
Summary: Hinata Shouyou made touching look so easy.His nimble fingers easily reached out to pull Kageyama’s shirt up over his head. The sensation of his slender fingers tracing over the imperfections and bruises of his body, making them feel beautiful, lingered on Kageyama’s skin. Hinata’s touch alone made him feel beautiful. Though he didn’t want to venture so far as to make any bold statements, Kageyama truly did feel like he was worth it. At least to the redhead sitting in front of him.And he wanted to make Hinata feel like he was worth it, too.





	Safe Haven

Anything that got fifteen-year-old Kageyama out of his house was considered a blessing in his life. Frequenting the massive forest right in his backyard proved to be one of the most effective forms of reprieve, though even as he went out, he had a tendency of getting lost in his own thoughts again anyway, making the trek out almost pointless.

With his head tilted back against the stump of a grand tree, Kageyama stared up towards the sky as clouds lazily followed one another in an almost conveyor belt-like straightness. His gaze was slightly glossy and his breathing was shallow enough to make it look like there was no life coursing through him at all. Goosebumps freckled his bare arms and legs while dirt and other dark markings stained his kneecaps and other spots along his otherwise perfect skin. It wasn’t supposed to be cold out - and it wasn’t _really,_ considering their summers in Japan’s Okinawa were always hot and humid. But the breeze from the nearby lake always pricked at Kageyama’s skin.

“Hey! Are you dead?” A voice called out to him from behind, causing Kageyama to jump slightly from his spot. Resting a hand against the damp dirt of the Earth, Kageyama leaned forward and turned his head around to peek at the owner of the voice. He was surprised to see the high voice belonging to a young boy, probably around his age. The boy had orange hair that stuck out in all directions in a way Kageyama didn’t think was humanly possible. Sharp, dark brows defined his features, only to be contrasted with large hazel eyes that made his face look like he was constantly excited about something. His skin was rather pale but, like Kageyama’s own body, the stranger was littered with dirt and cuts from walking through a forest in very minimal protection.

Kageyama found himself starting to compare their appearances. This stranger had such a bold look to him; Kageyama was almost jealous. By comparison, Kageyama was tanner, taller, and lankier. His hair was a boring shade of jet black and it didn’t stick out in any places at all. Instead, it stayed flat against his head; he even had short bangs that covered his forehead handsomely. His deep blue eyes were also a lot smaller than the other boy’s, but sharper, too.

“Are you an idiot? How would I have responded if I were dead?” Kageyama’s voice was low for a fifteen-year-old and surprisingly steady, despite looking like he’d just been pulled from a heavy stupor.

 _“WELL,_ if you _hadn’t_ responded, then I’d’ve known you were dead!”

“Okay…” This stranger kid was kind of weird. Kageyama pushed himself up off the ground and dusted off his black shorts that stopped just above his knees. He was just about ready to leave, even though he’s only been there for about an hour.

“Can you hang out with me?” The stranger kid who was kind of weird asked, adjusting his grip on a steel bucket he’d been carrying in one hand. In his other hand were two nets.

“Are you trying to fish out here?”

“Well. Yeah. I guess.” He hopped over some stones so he was in front of Kageyama then lifted his bucket to reveal astoundingly smelly bait.

“The poor fish.”

"I didn’t do this! I bought ‘em like this!”

“I meant the ones you’re trying to feed these to.”

“Okay, let’s go!” Unphased by Kageyama’s biting attitude, the stranger suddenly reached down to grab his hand. It was weird being tugged along by a boy who was significantly shorter than him. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t even know the other’s name yet.

“What’s your name?” Kageyama asked, deciding not to fight it. He didn’t want to go home, anyway.

“Hinata. And you?”

“I’m Kageyama.”

“Great, Kageyama! You’re going to be my new playmate!”

 

Whether it was because he had someone he knew was waiting for him in the forest now or not, Kageyama found himself frequenting the forest much more often than he had before, and for much lengthier times of his summer days. Not only that, but he subconsciously found himself wandering back to the spot where he’d first met Hinata four weeks before. The two had grown rather close in the span of one month, although their personalities did clash so they argued a lot, too. While Kageyama was more short-tempered and serious, Hinata was _stupidly_ energetic and cheerful, to the point where Kageyama felt annoyed 99% of the time.

But the 1% of his time was enough to drag Kageyama back to their same meeting spot every day for the past four weeks. Or, _almost_ every day. Any day he couldn’t make it was blamed simply on ‘family reasons’ and Hinata was always more than understanding.

Kageyama’s father didn’t know he was leaving the house to play with a stranger in the forest, let alone a _male,_ else he’d never be let out again. His father liked to have total control of his household. He wanted to know where his wife and son were at all times. He wanted to know who they were seeing at all times. He wanted to know everything the teachers taught Kageyama in school because it was important to remember that sometimes, _“Teachers just like to spew bullshit, Kageyama. You can’t trust what they say all the time so if they start filling your head with dumb ideas, you tell me right away.”_ Usually, Kageyama got away with retreating to the forest right after his long school days by claiming he had mandatory club meetings. On certain days, when his father was too sober to be fooled, that lie didn’t always work out.

 

“I learned a new word recently, Kageyama,” Hinata piped up from behind the taller boy, in lieu of any proper kind of greeting.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Kageyama said, taking a jab at Hinata’s lacking intelligence.

“Have you ever heard of the term _‘escapism’_?”

Kageyama found himself growing quiet. He didn’t want to be the one learning something new from Hinata, but he was just a fifteen-year-old boy. What use did he have for fancy words like that? “No.”

“What! Smarty-pants-hei doesn’t know a word that _I_ know?!” Hinata gasped.

"Smarty-pants-hei? What kind of nickname is that? Such a mouthful...”

“Escapism,” Hinata cleared his throat professionally and suddenly halted, straightening his back as he announced in a crisp and clear voice. _“A way of avoiding an unpleasant or boring life. The tendency to seek distraction from unpleasant realities. The avoidance of unpleasant, boring, arduous, scary, or banal aspects---”_

“Okay! I got the idea! What about… ‘Escapism’?” The word felt foreign rolling from Kageyama’s tongue.

“This forest is like our form of escapism, right?” He didn’t elaborate, but Kageyama found himself feeling eerily creeped out by the perceptiveness of that one statement. ‘Escapism’ implied that there was some kind of ‘unpleasantry’ going on in one’s life, but how would Hinata even know that?

There was a brief silence that lasted just a beat longer than their usual comfortable silence. “Maybe for you it is…”

Hinata turned his head to look at Kageyama, a sense of knowingness filling his large hazel eyes as he beamed at his friend. “Yeah. Maybe.”

There was something unsettling about the way Hinata spoke. It was completely different from his usual lighthearted tone and it almost started to fill Kageyama with a sense of prickling of worry. Did Hinata have some kind of need for this ‘escapism’? Maybe Hinata was struggling with something at home the way Kageyama was… He _hoped_ not, because he knew for a fact that Hinata didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. The two had been friends for about a month and most of their time was filled with mindless games and activities. They never took the time to sit down and talk about _personal_ things.

Another too-long silence followed this before Hinata finally spoke up again. “Today let’s play hide-and-seek with our usual boundaries! No leaving the forest, no land left unexplored by the two of us together, no thickets, no going up trees! No wolf dens or bear caves--”

“There aren’t any of those here,” Kageyama interjected quickly, sounding more hopeful than assuring.

Hinata just laughed then started running in the opposite direction. “I call hiding first! Gimme a good five minutes, okay, Kageyama?!”

 

 _Escapism,_ huh? It was an interesting idea. And it made a lot of sense to Kageyama, more so than he would have liked to admit. Plus playing around in the forest like this with Hinata _was_ admittedly a great distraction from being at home all the time. He found himself pondering this idea of ‘escapism’ for longer than expected. “Shoot.” It’d probably already been five minutes. Oh well. Hinata better have found a great hiding spot because Kageyama always managed to find him within mere minutes, leaving Hinata to sulk for the rest of the night.

The forest looked a lot nicer recently. The trees were as dense as ever, but now they had a certain refreshing _smell_ to them that fully activated Kageyama’s senses when he walked through the forest. Even without any lights in the forest, there was always a comforting glow that he noticed so that even at night, he felt like they were never completely in the dark. It was almost magical. The moss was softer when he brushed his fingertips over stones or tree trunks. Even the dirt below his feet felt richer and less muddy. If the realist fifteen-year-old were into fairy tales, he might even compare it to a scene pulled straight from one of those.

“Hinata! Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Kageyama called out loudly, hands cupping around his mouth to let his voice echo against the trees more loudly. It didn’t take too long before Kageyama ended up circling around back to his original counting spot. Twice. By now, the summer sun was starting to melt into a gentle sunset’s glow, but that was more frightening than comforting for the boy. That meant nighttime was right around the corner and he still hadn’t managed to find Hinata. “Okay! Hinata! You win! Let’s meet up again!” He shouted a few times as he circled around a fourth time. They had a rule. If, after an hour they couldn’t find the hider, they’d meet back at their original spot.

But it’s been two hours and Kageyama had lost count of how many times he’d passed their original spot. Worry started to tug at Kageyama’s features leaving him with brows knitted too-tightly together for a boy his age and a frightening scowl. “Hinata! You idiot, stop hiding already! You win!” Without realizing it, he’d started picking up the pace. After two minutes, he started running through the forest, racing against the sunset as he shouted his friend’s name. The stinging sensation of branches and twigs cutting his skin was practically nothing compared to the panic starting to flare in his chest. It probably would have been smarter to leave at this point to try and find other people to help him look for Hinata. But the thought of leaving the shorter boy alone in the forest was suddenly terrifying. And the thought of creating a search party was even _more_ terrifying. He saw how those movies ended when the search party discovered not a living _human_ but a _body,_ and he decided he wanted to avoid that outcome as much as possible.

Soon, Kageyama found himself racing _past_ their boundaries and into unmarked territory. Maybe Hinata just got lost or forgot where their boundaries lay exactly -- which, honestly would have been strange considering how often they’d played this game. Now along the lake’s edge, Kageyama’s eyes frantically danced over still waters. What if he fell in the lake…? Hinata mentioned not being able to swim. Shaking his head, he turned away from the water quickly. A little too quickly because as soon as he’d whipped around, he collided into another body, eliciting a surprised yelp from him as he fell back onto his butt.

Eyes widening with surprise, Kageyama scrambled up quickly and wrapped his arms around the entity standing before him. “Hinata! What the hell?! Where were you? And why are you wet?!” He kept his arms around the shorter boy when he noticed how violently he was shivering against his body.

Hinata seemed surprised by the gesture, knowing Kageyama was the last person to initiate any form of friendly physical contact. “O-Oh.” His teeth were chattering as he laughed sheepishly. Pale hands slowly reached up to wrap around Kageyama’s back. “I guess I kind of got lost and fell in the river. Luckily it was shallow enough so I didn’t drown to my death.” He laughed. “Buuut…” Pulling away from the embrace, he revealed slightly blue lips and cheeks devoid of natural human color. Lifting one foot and wiggling it slowly, he smiled slowly, “I did lose one shoe.”

Kageyama stared down at Hinata’s feet. He was right. One foot was safely covered by a worn, dirtied, and now _soggy_ Converse, while the other foot had only a wet, gray sock to protect it from the biting wind. “You idiot.” Kageyama sighed then pulled his own navy-blue hoodie up over his head, forcefully tugging it down onto Hinata’s wet body. It was significantly too big for Hinata and the sweater paws just made the boy look that much smaller.

“Before we go, can we look for my shoe first?”

_“What?”_

“Please?”

“You’re practically turning blue right now, you know.”

“No, I’m fine now, really. Your hoodie is surprisingly warm. Although… It smells kinda bad.”

“What did you say?!”

“Off we go to find the missing shoe!” Hinata pointed up towards the sky and marched off. He led the way, trying to retrace his steps back to the spot where he’d fallen into the lake, but after twenty minutes, they were still left with a half-shoeless boy.

“Why don’t we just go? You can wear my sneakers, too, if you really want to,” Kageyama grumbled, feeling himself starting to get tired.

“No, no, we’re getting closer, I can feel it!” As though on cue, he shouted suddenly and dove down towards the ground, digging something up from under the leaves. “Eureka!” He slipped his damp sock into the dry shoe and grinned brightly. “Alright, I’m happy now. I feel balanced. We can go.” As he started to pull the hoodie back off, Kageyama reached out suddenly to grab his arm and stop him.

“It’s fine. Just wear it for now. You can give it back to me next time.”

“You sure? Ehhh, but, I don’t want the smell to stick on me.”

Kageyama reached out and punched Hinata in the shoulder, though he was lacking his usual friendly malice. “Then freeze next time.”

After ten minutes, the pair found themselves at the forest’s edge again where they usually parted at the end of the day. Kageyama seemed slightly anxious, eyes constantly wandering back over to Hinata the whole way over. Though Hinata _seemed_ perfectly fine, there was an eerie silence that fell over the two of them and Kageyama didn’t like it at all.

“Before you offer, cause I noticed you keep creepily looking over at me, I’m totally fine and I don’t need you to take me home. I’m totally warmed up now anyway, see?” He reached up, having to take a few steps closer and raise himself up on his toes just to be able to touch a hand to Kageyama’s cheek.

“Liar. Your hand is freezing.”

“Oh. Is it? Guess I’m desensitized to the cold now. Cool! Anyway! I’m gonna get a head start! See you next time!” Hinata smiled brightly again, despite blue lips. Waving as he turned around, he jogged out past the forest.

Kageyama watched his back fade from view, his lips tugging downwards into a small frown. This was the first time Hinata’s ever left the forest before him. And the first time Hinata’s ever said _‘see you next time’_ as opposed to _‘see you tomorrow.’_ Then again, Kageyama knew he shouldn’t blame him after taking a tumble like that. Maybe too much ‘escapism’ wasn’t a good thing either.

But there was nothing to worry about. The next day, Hinata had returned to their usual spot in the forest. And the next day, and the next day, and almost every day after that for the next five years. The two best friends had really made a home out of the forest over the course of five years, Kageyama religiously returning almost every day after his classes to visit Hinata again.

While they didn’t run around playing hide-and-seek anymore -- actually, Kageyama had banned that game after Hinata fell into the lake -- they never seemed to get bored in their forest. Kageyama would usually bring food with him on his way home from classes and they’d sit around and talk for _hours._ Kageyama’s father ended up moving out of the house about a year ago, having found himself a new family with more money and more booze to offer. Thanks to that, it was much easier for Kageyama to stay out longer without worrying about getting in trouble when he returned at the end of the day. Sometimes, the pair would even bring sleeping bags and a tent and camp out for the night.

Which was actually what they’d decided to do that very weekend. Their tent was already propped up and standing tall behind a large picnic blanket Kageyama brought from home. It was pinned to the ground by two foldable chairs currently in use by the two boys.

“Oh, I forgot to mention. I brought your favorite.” Kageyama reached over to pick up a small brown paper bag, darker on the bottom from the heat and grease that’d coated it below.

 _“Yakitori?!”_ Hinata exclaimed, jumping from his seat to lunge towards the bag of Japanese grilled barbecue.

“Not so fast!” Kageyama pulled his arm back so Hinata’s fingertips just brushed against the paper bag, a heavy pout tugging down at his lips in response.

“What?!” Hinata sounded panicked for a moment. “Why? Why not so fast?”

“You have to earn it first. I’ve been spending a lot of money on your dinners lately, Hinata. A little gratitude would be nice.”

Hinata’s pout shifted slightly as his lips pulled together in a tight line. His eyes narrowed at the other, skepticism evident on his features. “I give you great company every single day! Me just being here is already a gift! Why else do you think it’s called ‘presence’?” He lunged forward once again, impatient.

“Hey!” As Kageyama made to move backwards, Hinata kept pushing forward which led to his own chair toppling over from the heavy shift. Arms flailing ridiculously in the air, Hinata grabbed at the nearest thing to keep his balance. The nearest thing just so happened to be Kageyama, who’d also held his own arms out to help stop Hinata from falling on his face. “Are you an idiot?!” His face was slightly flushed, noting how close the two of them were now. “I was going to give you the food in the end. Jeez.”

Just as he was about to pull away, Hinata smirked almost deviously. He moved so he was kneeling on the blanket, still holding Kageyama’s arms as he yanked him down roughly. “H-Hey!” Kageyama was pulled forcefully from his chair, surprised at the amount of brute strength the smaller male had. Now the two of them were kneeling on the blanket, Hinata’s face dangerously close to Kageyama. “W-What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Kageyama tried sounding gruff. He really did. But it came out more like a somewhat needy whisper.

Then, Hinata did something totally unexpected. He leaned in closer so their foreheads were touching. At this point, Kageyama’s face had burned a scary shade of red, but before he could complain or curse at the other, or even begin to push him away, he felt the paper bag being snatched from his very hands. Hinata laughed loudly and rolled around on his butt so his back was now facing Kageyama. “Yeah! I got it!” Hinata exclaimed, opening the bag eagerly and pulling out one barbecue stick.

Kageyama was actively scowling at his companion’s back and, strangely enough, it was like Hinata could tell he was receiving the death glare because after a moment, he shivered and turned to look at his friend apologetically. “Next time, I’ll get the food. Or maybe I’ll do a dance for you as payment. I don’t like going out into town much,” Hinata said, quickly finishing off one stick of barbecue, setting it aside, and picking up another one.

Slowly, Kageyama lowered himself onto the blanket, his arms up over his head as his hands served as a cushion underneath his head. Nighttime was settling in slowly around them, but it didn’t scare Kageyama the way it used to when they were kids. On the contrary, he quite enjoyed stargazing with the other now. “I know you don’t…” His eyes were steadily trained on the stars as he tried to pick out familiar constellations and miserably failing. “Whenever I mention you to any of my friends, they say they’ve never seen you around. It’s weird. It’s like you live in the forest.”

As soon as Hinata finished his second stick, he set that one aside and decided to lower himself down, too. Except, he was on his stomach, propping his elbows up as his chin rested against the palms of his hands. His eyes wandered up to count the stars as well while also stealing the occasional glance at the boy lying next to him. “I don’t, though, and you know that. I showed you where I live!”

If Kageyama hadn’t known any better, he’d say Hinata almost sounded _defensive._ He brushed it off. “I know you did. Jeez. I was just saying, you’re in the forest _all the time._ Besides, you’ve never taken me _into_ your house. You only showed me it from the outside. And you pointed it out from down the block.” Now that five years of friendship had passed between the two, they eventually did start to cover topics such as personal family matters, where they each lived, schooling, and the like. When Kageyama tried talking about his family life, Hinata was tactful enough, for once, to read his expression and tell him, _“It’s okay. I get it. You don’t have to talk about it. But if you ever want to, you know where to find me.”_ In return, Kageyama didn’t pry about Hinata’s family life. But he _did_ ask about school. Apparently, despite living in the same town, Kageyama had never seen Hinata in school because he was homeschooled his entire life.

Without warning, Hinata rolled onto his back, the gesture bringing him all the way against Kageyama’s side so their arms were right against each other’s. “I’m a man of mystery. What can I say?” His head was turned to look at Kageyama, another impish grin on his lips.

Thank God it was dark, because Kageyama could feel his cheeks start to heat up against every will in his body. As much as he wanted to force his head to turn away, he couldn’t. Instead, he brought his hand on the opposite side of his body up, the back of his palm covering half of his face. “You can _stop_ saying stupid bullshit all the time, how about that?” There was a pause then and Kageyama could have sworn he felt Hinata try and nudge closer to his side, but he decided to blame that on the nighttime chill forcing their bodies to retreat to the closest source of warmth.  “Come to town with me tomorrow, then… Some of my friends and I are meeting up for lunch and they keep asking me about whoever it is I keep ditching them for.” Kageyama suggested quietly, sounding more apprehensive than he liked. “It won’t be so bad if you’re with me. Uh. Right?”

“You look tired, Kageyama. I heard college is _hell._ Let’s just go to sleep now, so we can have a lot of energy for your friends tomorrow.” Hinata pushed himself up off the ground, dusting his sweatpants off as he lifted an arm to flex a muscle. The smile he offered after was creepily not-Hinata, it almost made Kageyama shudder. Hinata was missing that usual glimmer in his eyes whenever the pair of them talked. This was usually how he got whenever Kageyama tried to make plans, though, so he was used to it.

“Great. Fine. Let’s go to sleep.” He agreed, deciding that maybe Hinata was right and the college grind was slowly starting to creep up on him. Standing up, he imitated Hinata’s gesture and brushed off his pants, following the other’s lead into their tent. “I promise. You’ll love the town. They have the best _yakitori_ place around.”

“Mhhm. I look forward to it.”

* * *

 

But the day never came. When Kageyama woke up the next morning, his camping companion was nowhere to be seen. Kageyama would have freaked out - just like he did the first day this happened - but this was a regular occurrence now and just something he almost _expected._ Hinata _always_ disappeared before Kageyama woke up the next morning. And though Kageyama was a little embarrassed to admit it, he’d kind of hoped today would be different since they agreed to go into town together.

Though one thing that was definitely very different from Kageyama’s usual routine was returning home to see his father sitting at the kitchen table again. It’d been a year since he last saw his father, but there were no traces of relief or happiness on his face to see the man sitting there alive and well. Apparently the ‘other family’ didn’t work out and Kageyama’s father had to find a new place. He didn’t blame his mother at all, but he knew she lacked the conviction to tell him to “get out,” the way his other woman had. After all, she was suffering the same thing as him and Kageyama sure as hell wasn’t ready to stand up to his father. Not when he was fifteen and not now when he was 20. He’d been raised to be respectful and do as his elders told him, _especially_ if that elder had his fist waving in the air.

Everything happened rather quickly after he walked into the house late that morning. His father asked the usual _“Where the hell have you been?”_ in lieu of a possible _“Hi, how’s it going, son? It’s been, what, five years?”_ Kageyama answered honestly, because there was no such thing as college club at ten in the morning on the weekend. He told his father he’d spent the night out in the forest with his friend. His father asked him who his friend was. And Kageyama said it was a boy. It must have been the way he said “a boy” - maybe it was the slight stutter or maybe it was the gentle blush - but whatever it was, his father picked up on it in an instant, and he definitely wasn’t happy. His father had an alarming number of various names to call his son - all being different variations of “disgusting homosexual.” In fact, his father had exactly nine different names for him, and Kageyama could count the total number of names by the number of new markings across his arms and now bare back. It hurt to raise his arms to try and shimmy his shirt back on, so he kept it off when he was finally dismissed into his bedroom with the very strict warning of _“you’re never going back to that goddamn forest again.”_

So, he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not with his father back at home, anyway. A small part of him wished he went away for college (though that was a very, _very_ small part, because he’d rather deal with his father than move away from the forest and Hinata). But his college didn’t offer dorming since it was a local one. And here, it was normal for students his age to live with their parents.

Two weeks passed without Kageyama going back to the forest. The male found himself leaning against his bed from his spot on the floor. His knees were tucked up against his chest and his head lolled back against the cushion of his bed so he could stare at the ceiling. His gaze was slightly glossy and his breathing was shallow enough to make it look like there was no life coursing through him at all.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

At first, Kageyama wanted to blame the bumps against his window on the wind. But after the fourth and loudest _thud,_ he pushed himself up off his floor to peek out the window. He almost screamed when he saw Hinata standing on his balcony. How he got up there, Kageyama had no idea, but he was both too terrified and too relieved to ask for the details. Immediately he swung the balcony door open, wide eyes staring at Hinata as though he were an apparition. “What-- What the hell are you doing here?!”

“Wanna hangout with me?” Hinata asked, his childlike grin painting over his features in a delicate and familiar way that _almost_ made Kageyama want to start crying right then and there. Hinata pushed himself into the room, silently closing the glass door behind him as he casually took a spot on Kageyama’s bed, as though he’d been here a million times and he could just make himself at home however he’d like. This was Hinata’s first time here.

“Hinata, you really can’t be here right now. If my dad finds you, he’ll--”

“Kill me? Heh, not likely.” Though he’d just sat down, Hinata got back up off the bed and walked over to Kageyama, pulling his hands into his own, but not in any romantic way. He was tugging the taller man’s arms out, inspecting every surface of beautifully tanned skin that was exposed to him. Gentle pale fingers thumbed over a dark bruise right above his elbow. Kageyama flinched, though it wasn’t so much out of pain since Hinata’s was being uncharacteristically careful. Slowly, Hinata reached down and grabbed Kageyama’s shirt, tugging it up off his torso. Kageyama was alarmed at first, and definitely flustered, but he didn’t bother fighting it. Instead he lowered himself onto his bed so the shorter male could better observe him.

Crawling onto the bed as it sunk under his weight, Hinata kneeled behind Kageyama. Slow hands brushed over Kageyama’s smooth skin, the slightly cool fingertips causing a shiver to run down his spine. “You know you’re still a pretty boy.” Hinata said suddenly.

“Wh-what?!” Kageyama whipped his head around to look at Hinata, his eyes wide and his cheeks red.

Hinata lowered his head, resting orange tufts of hair against the center of Kageyama’s upper back. “Even with your skin bruised like this, it’s still soft and beautiful. And…” He paused. “Does it hurt?”

Kageyama had to think for a few moments before he could answer -- before he _wanted_ to answer. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Leaving you.”

It took Kageyama a few moments to realize what Hinata was talking about. “Oh. If you’re talking about our last camping trip, it’s fine. You know I’m used to that happening by now.” His voice was completely betraying him and he wanted to crawl up into a hole and die. Normally he sounded so sure of himself. But with him desperately trying to keep his voice quiet and the fact that he felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest, his voice was _shaky._

“I don’t mean then. I mean now.”

Kageyama froze for a few moments, moving on the bed so he was facing Hinata properly this time. Even as he moved his body, Hinata kept his head down and Kageyama didn’t like that at all. “What… What do you mean?”

Hinata raised his head again and smiled. It was the creepy not-at-all-Hinata smile again that failed to fulfill its purpose of making whoever saw it feel reassured. “Nothing…” He paused. Why was he hesitating all the time now? “Let’s just enjoy our time together now, okay?”

Kageyama wanted to push more. He wanted to know what was bothering Hinata this time and he didn’t want to _let it go_ like they had been for the past five years. But there was something so heart breaking about the way he spoke that rendered Kageyama speechless. Instead, he nodded slowly as Hinata looked back up at him. He would just ask him about it later when the mood was lighter and when he wasn’t sitting down shirtless on his bed.

But Hinata seemed intent on keeping the mood from venturing into anything appropriate for talking. He scooched closer to Kageyama on the bed, his bare knees shuffling together as he ruffled the sheets below him. Now that they were actually facing each other and Kageyama could see the look embarrassment growing hot on Hinata’s features, he felt like his own emotions were being amplified far past his own comfort level. There was a warmth in the pit of his stomach and his fingers were twitching with desire. Desire to reach out and brush through the orange locks he knew were soft to the touch, from the countless times he’d gripped at them in annoyance. He had the desire to feel Hinata’s skin, too. Damn Okinawa and the hot weather, forcing them to sport tank tops and shorts regularly. Hinata made _touching_ look so easy.

Hinata’s nimble fingers easily reached out to pull Kageyama’s shirt up over his head. The sensation of his slender fingers tracing over the imperfections of his body, making them feel _beautiful,_ lingered on Kageyama’s skin. Hinata’s touch alone made him feel _beautiful._ Though he didn’t want to venture so far as to make any bold statements, he truly did feel like he was worth it. At least to the redhead sitting in front of him.

And he wanted to make Hinata feel like he was worth it, too. There was an undeniable sadness brewing in Hinata’s life, and Kageyama had probably been at least _somewhat_ aware of it since they started talking about ‘escapism’ all those years ago. And though he could never verbally address the issue before, he wanted to reach out and brush it away now.

So, he did. His movements were small and tentative. His hand settled against the spot on his face between his cheek and his jawline, his thumb carefully stroking over the skin there as though he were dealing with something fragile. He’d never noticed how small Hinata’s face was until he realized that his hand could cup most of it now. It almost felt surreal and he felt himself reaching his other hand out as well, as if to make sure Hinata was really there.

His cheeks were warm as his hand traveled down the span of Hinata’s neck, following the path over the sleeve of his tank top before taking in the sensation of his fingers bristling down the other’s arm. He didn’t stop there, either. His fingers circled around Hinata’s wrist so their palms were pressed together, then he wasn’t sure if he moved first or Hinata, but their fingers laced together so their hands were clasped.

“K-Kageyama… You’re acting like you’ve never experienced the human touch before,” Hinata murmured, sounding almost breathless. Was his voice shaking? If Kageyama hadn’t been so caught up in his own embarrassment, he might have noticed that, for once, Hinata seemed to be at a loss for words as well.

“Well… I haven’t. Not like this.”

“’Like this’?”

Kageyama shook his head. He wasn’t entirely sure what ‘this’ was supposed to mean, either, but he knew this was unlike most other average human emotion. He could tell that much at least from the subtle twitching of his fingertips that still hadn’t stopped. Wasn’t this enough?

“It’s not fair…” Kageyama started slowly.

“Huh? What’s not?”

“Why am I the only shirtless one?” The words left his lips before he could take them back, and he immediately regretted it. His cheeks flushed a bright red and he tried to yank his hand away and back up, obviously flustered. But Hinata didn’t let him. He kept their hands clasped tightly together and actually pulled Kageyama _closer._

Hinata was leaning forward slightly, his head tilted to the side as he forced Kageyama to look at him. “Because you didn’t take my shirt off?” He answered in all seriousness.

“I-Idiot—Why would I take your shirt off…”

A small smile tugged at the corner of Hinata’s lips as he chuckled at Kageyama’s indecisiveness. “You know I trust you, Kageyama. You can do anything and I wouldn’t mind.”

Kageyama felt his chest tighten and his mouth go dry. _Anything?_ He nodded slowly, mirroring the other’s posture as he leaned forward to close the gap between them anymore. “Remember… You’re the one who said I could do _anything._ Don’t yell at me if you end up not liking it.”

The smile that formed on Hinata’s features was almost blinding now and Kageyama loved it. He wanted to pocket that smile in his memories forever. In movies whenever characters talked about wanting to _‘Freeze time in this moment forever’_ he never understood it till now.

Closing his eyes as though that could make him forget his own embarrassment, he leaned forward, expecting to feel the very smile he loved so much pressed against his own lips. But the sensation was something else entirely. Soft lips met his own, but it was unsmiling. If anything, it was almost clumsy. The kiss lasted a little bit too long to be considered a ‘peck’ but not long enough to lead into anything else.

But it was perfect nonetheless.

Kageyama wasn’t sure who pulled away first, but when his eyes finally opened, Hinata looked just as dazed as Kageyama felt. “I… _You_ said you wouldn’t mind,” Kageyama finally said.

Hinata laughed and Kageyama felt him squeeze his hand. “I don’t. Mind, I mean.”

“Good.”

* * *

 

Since Kageyama couldn’t leave the house to meet in the forest anymore, Hinata decided to sneak up to his companion’s room regularly instead. The shorter male managed to keep this up for a week without getting caught, much to Kageyama’s surprise and slight horror. The mere thought of Hinata getting caught was one of the most terrifying things. Luckily, most nights, his father spent drunk and passed out on the couch downstairs and his mother stayed cooped up in her own bedroom.

Tonight, the two males were laying side-by-side on Kageyama’s bed, hands clasped together and gazes locked on the ceiling. Tiny glowing spots of neon green dotted his ceiling, illuminating the darkness of his room. It seemed like Kageyama was missing the forest, so Hinata suggested they buy those glow-in-the-dark star stickers that kids put up on their walls. Though Kageyama initially laughed at the idea, here they both were, admiring the faint glow of the faux stars.

The two of them had grown accustomed to a comfortable silence. It was never awkward, either. On the contrary, Kageyama found himself incredibly content with these moments of silence. Sometimes Hinata would squeeze his hand, then. One time, the shorter male embraced him, too, and they stayed like that in silence for hours. As much as Kageyama wanted to kiss him again, he could never bring himself to do it.

Breaking the long silence, Hinata spoke up quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

Kageyama hummed in response.

“I hate to ask you this when you’re on house arrest, but could you try and come to the forest tomorrow? By the lake. I have to show you something really important.”

There was something about Hinata’s request that suddenly seemed to break their comfortable atmosphere. Though he knew he really shouldn’t leave the house, the apprehension in Hinata’s tone made rejection seem impossible. “Okay…”

 

It was a lot easier sneaking out the next day than Kageyama had expected. He forgot that most Saturdays, his dad would drink himself stupid and pass out on the kitchen table by noon, then stay like that for nearly the rest of the day. Saturdays were Kageyama’s favorite day of the week. Once he was in the forest, it didn’t take him long to find the lake, despite how often he avoided it after that one incident. It took even less time to find Hinata, who was already there waiting, like always. Hinata was perched atop a high rock so, for once, Kageyama had to look _up._

“Okay, Hinata, it’s cold out today so whatever you wanted to show me had better be good,” Kageyama said, stuffing his hands into his vest pockets.

Hinata laughed and pointed towards a spot towards the bottom of his rock. “It’s there. Go check it out.”

Kageyama’s brows knitted together as he tried peering over towards the direction Hinata pointed at. It was close to the edge of a small cliff leading right into the water. “I’d rather not…”

“Oh, you big baby! Just go. The cliff’s like… Two feet off the ground. We could jump into the water from here and it’d still be boring.”

“Shut up,” Kageyama grumbled but obediently walked towards the bottom of Hinata’s small boulder. He saw something white sticking out from beneath a pile of leaves. “What’s this?” He muttered, crouching down to brush aside the leaves. “A sneaker?” He tried pulling the sneaker, but it was wedged underneath the boulder. Eventually, he managed to yank it free after a few tugs. He glanced up at Hinata again, then back down at the small shoe. Turning it a few times in his hand, he shrugged. “What’s the big deal. It looks like some kid’s shoe.” His eyes stopped on black markings he noticed along the back of the show. _H.S._ “H.S.?” Kageyama looked up towards Hinata again.

“Hinata Shouyou, nice to meet’cha.”

“I… I know your name already, idiot,” he grumbled, trying to figure out why he was holding Hinata’s kid shoe in his hands. “But… We found your shoe already.” He was thinking back to the night when Hinata had fallen into the lake. They spent twenty minutes wandering around trying to find the sneaker identical to this one. And then they did find it. And then they went home.

“We found _a_ shoe. Yeah. But it wasn’t my shoe. It probably wasn’t a real shoe at all.”

“What… What are you talking about, Hinata?”

Hinata carefully stood up, hopping down from his boulder so he was at Kageyama’s side. Raising one hand slowly, he held an outstretched palm towards Kageyama. “I think I oughtta tell you the truth now, Kageyama.”

Kageyama could feel his breath hitch in his throat. He was too afraid to reach out and touch the hand reaching out towards him. He knew what he would feel. It was going to be a soft hand, like always. The hand that fit so perfectly in his own, and the hand that he’d grown so accustomed to holding over the past week. Slowly, he raised his own warm hand, reaching out tentatively to place his fingertips over Hinata’s…

But he felt nothing. No warmth. No cold. No fingers lacing around his own. Kageyama’s hand had fallen back to his side without ever even feeling Hinata’s.

“What the hell was that, Hinata?”

Instead of answering, Hinata reached both his hands up this time and settled them down against Kageyama’s cheeks, cupping their gingerly between his pale fingertips. There were gentle traces of touch, but nothing totally concrete. Or maybe it was just Kageyama silently _hoping_ he could feel something.

Though Hinata was well-aware of the fact that Kageyama couldn’t _really_ feel anything, he kept his hands there. “Kageyama. I’m sorry. I haven’t been honest with you these past few years…”

“--Hinata. Stop.” Kageyama could see where this was going now and he didn’t want to hear it anymore.

“I’m dead, Kageyama. I drowned that night in the lake.”

“Hinata--” Kageyama managed to choke out. When had he started crying?

Hinata moved his thumbs along Kageyama’s cheeks, though he wasn’t really wiping away any tears. “The house I showed you back then, it _was_ where I lived. It was my orphanage as a kid. We were pretty filled up in there and I always ran out to play in the forest… I think they just assumed I ran away,” he admitted sheepishly. He pulled his face closer to Kageyama, resting their foreheads together.

Kageyama had to close his eyes tightly. The tears wouldn’t stop and he didn’t want to look at Hinata when all he was getting was a faded image in front of him. He hoped it was just because of the tears messing with his vision. “Hinata. Hinata, I don’t care what you are now, it’s fine. We can keep going the way we are.”

“I think you know we can’t, Kageyama…”

“But just last night! You were fine just last night!”

“It takes a lot for me to project my image like this… And to project anything like physical contact. It’s actually getting pretty hard for me to stick around now…” He chuckled sheepishly, despite the situation.

“Then why the hell did you stay so long?!” Kageyama wanted to shove Hinata away, but instead he found himself settling his own hands over Kayden’s, which were still resting against his cheeks. “You should have left when it was over! You shouldn’t have pushed yourself if it was hard to stay!”

“I dunno. Why _did_ I stick around so long? Escapism, maybe? You were a good distraction from the unpleasantries of death, I guess.”

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” Kageyama was shaking. The pain in his chest was worse than anything his dad had done to him before.

“I know. I’m horrible and selfish and quite _literally_ dirt. But you were always my safe haven.”

Kageyama had always thought of the forest as his place of escapism – the scent of refreshing trees early in the morning, the magical glow of the starlight at night, the soft moss that bristled against his fingertips. But now he was starting to realize it had been something else this entire time.

“And you are mine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Voila ~ ! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ  
> My very first fanfic here!! // Sweats nervously.  
> I wanted to go with a one-shot for my first one because I have commitment issues when it comes to my writing, lol.  
> But either way, I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I do have a possible plan to write some sort of epilogue in Hinata's POV.  
> We'll see!  
> I hope you all enjoyed it! I'm sorry for hurting you so.  
> Feedback for my first ever work would be greatly appreciated! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: http://uraviteas.tumblr.com/


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